5 Bookish things I do that are probably not normal
I will warn you, some readers might find these things disturbing. Proceed at your own caution.
These are legit 5 out of a million, my fingers will fall off if I type any more 🤭.
1. The Smelling
Production of the Sinuses Corp.
I, Reader queen of the Dragon district, will admit to my obsession with smelling books. There, everyone knows. It's a compulsive action, I do not understand it, but I don't try to stop it. I see a physical copy of a book, there goes my self-control. And it absolutely does not help when every book in my head is classified into a different smelling category.
Me: *crazily mumbling*. Okay, this book,*deep sniffing*, this book is definitely a bloody one. With,
*deeper sniffing*,a hint of a love triangle...and not a good one as far as I'm concerned. Wait, this is strange *deeper, full-on violating the book sniffing* there's a speck of magic. Huh, *puts Moby Dick back on shelf*. Nah, not in the mood.
So why have you come to therapy today?
Said Book: Um... *cough* I've been feeling uncomfortable these past few days...
2. Voice in my Head
Directed by Potential Asylum
So, okay. Hear me out. It's not like I'm technically crazy but um...*clears throat*, there's this THING that I do while I'm reading that could be described as being a liiiitttlllleee crazy. I talk to the characters. In my head. Any and Every day. It's something that brings me a measure of peace? Unless they annoy me to the ends of the universe in the book and in my brain I need to make them see their wrong ways. Gently. With a machete.
Me: *whispering under my breath*. Okay, let's see what trouble you're in right noooowww. *Starts reading*. No you didn't...why would she...huh...but how does it... *turns page*oh, got it. *stops reading and looks off to the side*. Why would you even do that? I get she deserves it but come on, I did not fall for a villain to be a killer's wife... *thinks for a minute* *scoffs*. Like, I get it? But um...there are other ways...
The characters: ...
My brain: Well, if you had THOUGHT of warning me, baby, this would not have happened, would it?
Me: *startled Pikachu face*. MOM?! I THINK SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT WITH ME!!
3. The Screeching
A Horror House Motion Picture
This one, wow, this one is painful. To the surrounding ears, not to me. I'm actually quite certain that I fangirl to an inch of my life every time something exciting happens, especially when a certain character (*Ahem* You know who you are) is getting on my nerves. I am absolutely sure that my neighbors think I'm being killed every 2 hours by the amount of my screeching/ inhumanly fangirling. I cannot stop it, it is somewhat of an instinct at this point of my existence.
Me: *calmly reading a book*. Wow, how did they---oh, now I get it. Wait, what is ? *Placing the book closer to my crappy eyesight*...NO! There is no way that this guy...*looks closer* *horrified gasp*. NO! OH MY GOODNESS ON A STICK----
Mother: *barges in with hair half in curlers and a spatula at her disposal*. What happened? What is it? Are you dead?! Are you dying?!?
Me: *answering like the intellectual I am*. No, I am not, dear mother of mine. Someone just did something stupid and that something stupid turned out to be a stupider decision than I thought.
Mother: *visibly calming down*, *mumbling under breath*. God? I need a sign that my child is still normal. Please, I need a sign...
Me: *turns back to book after Mother has left*. HOLY CRAP ON A BROOM, HOW CAN SOMEONE BE THIS------oh, hm. I read that wrong, huh.
4. Blank Memory
Screenwriting by Brain Combustion
Um...can someone do me a favor and explain how I can remember that book I read in 2 grade but cannot even begin to remember what I studied yesterday? How does that even happen?!? And it's very unusual because I have read over 400 books in my short life as a reader (humble brag *cough*) and I can vividly remember a detail (just one or two, people, my brain isn't that gifted) of every single one of them? Pft, I am pretty certain that aliens abducted me when I was, I don't know, 5 years old? And replaced my brain that was SMART, for one with selective memory.
Me: *breathing deeply*. Okay, girl, the only thing you got to remember is that formula. You learned it yesterday ,*uncomfortable laughter*, it's impossible that you had forgotten...it so...quickly...*frowning*. How does that---why can't I---, *scoff*, I am OFFICIALLY GIVING UP ON LIFE. I am DONE. *Labored breathing*. Okay, if you find the variable you can...um...replace? No, that doesn't sound right. Use instead of? That's basically the same thing...is this supposed to give me this number?!? It's not even one of the OPTIONS!
Me later that day: *deep thinking*. Hmm, I want to read the book I read like 3 years ago? Or was it 6? Hmm...*mumbling beneath breath* *snapping fingers* *confused look fading*. Yeah! That one. The one with um...*pause* OH! Sky in the Deep!
5. Emotional Issues
Written by Anxiety & Co.
Alright, let's get to the real issue of me and my love for reading. I get sooo emotionally exhausted after finishing a good book (or a bad one, after that I feel angry at myself), I legit lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel. The only thing visible or...tangible? Is how much that book broke my heart. And since this list calls for the things that make this 'not normal'. Let me explain to you what I do afterward... I cry and rage, I literally feel as though I cannot move on from said book. Even KNOWING that I'm going to be reading a new one the day after that mental breakdown. It's like this crushing feeling of loneliness? And pain, so. much. PAIN. Lots of annoyance included into the mix too...*ahem* UNFINISHED SERIES.
Me: *passionately reading a book*. Oh no, no, no, no... *eyes moving frantically*. NO, how could----what is going on.... *checks to see if there are a lot of pages left because ish is going down*. Oh my goodness, only 10 pages left! How are they going to---it's not even possible...*reads the last page without realizing*. What in the...*turns page* *horrified gasp*. NO! NOT THOSE WORDS! NOT THE WORDS, ACKNOWLEDGMENTS!! *Accelerated breathing*. It's not bad, no it's not. There must be another book right? There must be...*searches for the second book* *book not found*. OH, YOU M----
Hello, yes, hi. I'm glad that you finished it ,*flips hair*, but it was kind of expected you know... (don't you hate it when people act like that? Psh! I would NEVER...do that...*pauses*, oh.)
Were you triggered? Do you do these things? Please let me know I'm not the only one...